I never questioned vaccinations when my daughter was due for them. I was a first time mother. I was still learning how MUCH you have to think about when you have babies.
Gracie is almost 3 now and has had all recommended and scheduled vaccinations. I have never counted how many she's had. I allowed my baby to endure this procedure without even RESEARCHING what each one was, what it was made of, the side effects, risks, or anything! How crazy is that?! I am so particular about anything my babies do. So I can't even believe I never questioned vaccines. I preach about knowing your options and researching all the time... And here I am, allowing nurses to inject god knows what into my babies!
When I was pregnant with Wesley Jr, it hit me. I need to study vaccinations this time around. I had been blind about vaccinations. I never would have thought to question them. After all, they are MADE to help people. But, it is my RESPONSIBILITY to research, learn, think, choose, and make the best decision for my children. I needed to KNOW what was put into my tiny baby's bodies. What is in that needle? Are my babies better off without that? Are chicken pox really that bad? I thought polio was basically extinct?
When I was filling out my birth plan for Wesley's birth, I came across the Hep B shot-that's administered after birth. You can CHOOSE whether or not your baby gets it. If you choose not to, you'll have to sign a form indicating that you declined the offer. So I looked up what Hep B was for, the risks and the side effects. I decided to get it. My daughter got it, so I was sure my son would be fine. And he was! Thank goodness!
After I had my son, I knew he would be due for more at 2 months. He got that first set of shots. The Dtap, Hib, Prevnar 13, and Rota.
He did fine with all of them. He didn't show any signs of discomfort when he returned home. Other than his poop changing from yellow and seedy to dark orange and stinky, nothing made me think negatively about them. I guessed it was the rota virus vaccine. But his pediatrician said if it's from the Rota vaccine, it would be green poop. It wasn't, so maybe it was another vaccine that was bothering him... I will never know. He was due just the other day for his second dose of all those vaccines. I had been doing my research like I planned. But my attention was taken from vaccine schedules, to moving into our new place. I could have studied every night until he had his appointment, but it is SO exhausting and confusing! Trying to figure out all the statistics, if he will ever really NEED the vaccine, what IF this vaccine hurt him?, what if I don't get it and I regret it?! All of these "what if" questions ran through my mind.
When his 5 month check up came, I freaked out. I couldn't sleep the couple of nights leading up to it. I was mentally exhausted. I asked for help from my fiance, but he told me he trusted my choice and knew I would try to do what's best. So I was left alone, with all this information coming from all directions. It was giving me anxiety. The entire ride to the pediatricians office, I felt sick. After he was weighed and measured, the nurse left and I REALLY got nervous. I knew at any moment his pediatrician was coming in to ask us how everything was going. I was shaking a little bit. I had read sooo many articles about how safe vaccines were and also read how gross and deceiving they were. So I was lost. But I knew it was decision time. Was I going to pass on all vaccinations? Delay them? Space them apart? Get them? I had no idea! And I should have. That feeling was scary. I had been perfectly fine and content when Gracie had her shots. Never worried me once. I cried when she cried, of course. But other than that, I was only told to watch for a fever. She did so well each time! Had I just been lucky? What IF my son is the complete opposite? I felt as if I never should've read about vaccinations. Kind of like- " I don't know, won't hurt me." But I did KNOW. And it bothered me. I knew the ingredients. I knew that people were questioning vaccines. I knew that natural immunity was real. I knew that most of the diseases were not even around anymore. Even IF they were, my babies had a very slim chance of ever having them. And IF they did get the measles or the Rota virus, they aren't going to necessarily KILL my children. We have amazing medical treatment. It is 2014. Rota Virus can be protected by breast milk. So until baby is done with breast milk, they probably won't need that vaccine. The vaccine itself can cause diarrhea. Which is actually what it is SUPPOSE to prevent. That makes hardly any sense to me. Of course Rota Virus would be horrible for a baby, but lots of people have diarrhea. They hydrate, get better and live. Same with chicken pox. Many people have had them. They are unpleasant, but is the condition so bad that you want to risk them having an adverse/serious reaction to the vaccine? Its like choosing which poison you want to drink. The fact that you are CONTAGIOUS after getting the chicken pox vaccine, is ridiculous. Isn't that why vaccines exist? To end the spread of diseases and illnesses? Then why give your child the live virus and spread it anyways? They don't mention this, but pregnant women are VERY susceptible to every live vaccination your child receives. So how is that safe for the community? If a pregnant woman gets something it could cause miscarriage, birth defects or still birth. I wish I would've known that when I was pregnant!
Back to Wesley. After his pediatrician and I discussed all the vaccines, he assured me that they are completely safe, then left the room. I was still so confused. I wasn't sure if he was just telling me those things because he gets paid for each one you get OR because he really believes it. I have trusted doctors in my past and because I put my belief in them, I ended up in a worse condition. And it has affected my life, greatly.
So there I was... Waiting for the nurse to walk in at any moment and inject him! My fiance and I were talking about everything. He told me to do what I felt was right. He would trust any decision I made because he knew I took everything very seriously. He has always been "pro vax". He has always thought they are good to have. So I was caught in between. I started to cry... I felt like a failure.
The nurse walked in and asked me if I wanted to step out while his vaccines were given. I refused. I want to be THERE for him. Always. No matter how HARD it is for me. So I gathered my strength and held his hand. He just woke up, so he was shocked when the first needle went into his thigh. Poor baby. It bled immediately and he screamed horribly. I felt sick, again. NOT for doing them. I felt horrible for not knowing more and not being 100% sure of my decision.
After they were all done, I calmed Wesley down enough to nurse for a few minutes. I told him I was sorry and I was just trying to do what's best for him.
I have always talked to my babies as if they could understand me. They might not understand the words I'm saying, but they can tell how I FEEL when I say something. They know when I am angry, sad, happy or sorry.
The doctor actually asked me if I wanted to nurse him DURING his shots. I said no way. That could confuse him. He might have thought I was upset with him and hurt him. Which could cause problems with him eating. He might not latch anymore or could refuse to eat. I don't think mixing breastfeeding with pain is a good idea... Wesley is 21 weeks old and has never had a bottle or formula. I don't want to risk it. We have worked hard for this!
The moral of this story is to RESEARCH. Even if you are "pro vax" and are 100% sure you want your children to have all of them. Look them up. Read about them. Learn what you are agreeing to. That way, you have the KNOWLEDGE to make a decision. One way or the other, you'll know what you want. Not what the doctor tells you, you want. What's best for some parents- is not for others.
You have a CHOICE. You can get all of them. You can get none. You can pick the ones you want and don't want. You can space them apart. You can wait until your baby is older. You can do what YOU want to do. But you have to decide. And that's where I am on the fence. What will I do? As of this moment, I have NO idea. But I will be doing my homework.
Some parents probably ask- why would you NOT get them? It depends on where you stand in many places. If you are anti-abortion, you might not know but there is aborted fetal tissue in some vaccines. If you don't like the sound of mercury injected into your baby, learn about Thimerosal.
There are so many controversies surrounding vaccines today...
When you know better, you do better. Good luck mamas!
Here are some great links for information about vaccines:
Children's Hospital of Philadelphia - Vaccine Education
A Mother Questioning Vaccines
CDC: Vaccine Information Sheets
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